3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

A Raw Reality (Guest Post by Ellie)

5th January 2015 - 2 mins read

My dearest readers,

Happy new year and welcome back!

A very dear friend of mine that you may have read about in my blog, Ellie, wrote this piece as part of the way she heals through her experiences - through writing. I loved this post because it was so raw, so real, so honest. It was a very honest truth of what women experience every single day and what I hope for more women to be able to realize. I hope you enjoy it!

“I  feel lonely and kind of hopeless.

This year got a lot of learnings for me. I learned, amongst a lot of other things:

*pain is what happens when you resist flow, change. things always change and flow. nothing stays the same. your relationship with someone is always growing and there is no guarantee that your lives will run in parallel/mutual interest forever. we should accept that. now i understand the concept of self-love and self-reliance more than ever and how important it is.

*for a while i thought that your vibe, if good, attracts other people with good vibes and who aren’t hideous. and you should rely on your intuition alot. i still believe in this, but the more i read about feminism and patriarchy the more i realize that dating men is literally like dating “the opressor”. there was always a pattern of why men are hideous - they abuse their power! so, really, at best a good relationship is someone who is not abusing their power over you (but that could change at any time). it makes dating a little scary for me…

We girls are so brainwashed to think that the only way to eternal happiness and bliss is to find a good man, fall deeply in love forever and ever. but the reality as i see it around me is not like that. almost everyone i know who is in a marriage or relationship is struggling, is unhappy, is questioning if they are expecting too much. after a lifetime of instilling these expectations of values in us, when we actually get into it, we realize that its so hard and can be the loneliest place to be.

Right now, i want to get to a place where i craft a meaning for my own bliss and happiness that does not depend on a man being in my life. because honestly, the selection is not good – and its not men, its our patriarchal system that makes me feel like being with a man means always being at someone’s mercy. I dont like the idea of that. i dont even want to have children (at least this is my opinion at this time - it might change, who knows). but i’m finding it hard to unlearn all these values. i struggle alot with boredom even more than lonliness, sometimes i feel like i only get a kick out of life when theres a man orsome type of relationship/situationship happening in my life, in whatever form it may take.“

  • Ellie